go figure geniuses.

xoxoxo,

mel.

so from the few hours between my previous entry and this, (its 3.30am now),

i've turned into a bumbling rabbit.

"begging my weakness" by "barnaby bright" is accompanying me lest i die of being confined in my art-jizz of a room.

i am tired, but i am not sleepy. does that make sense?

it seems that the only rare times i'm able to think really straight, is at times like these,

where i lose the whole "noise" i usually am and contemplate my day.

what i have done, what i could have done, and what i shouldnt have done.

and more time follows after that where i tell myself its too late for any regrets.

shrugging shoulders, i resign myself to me,

and soothe the sore arse of mine i've been kicking for the past hour.

sometimes i really hate my heart.

and its times like these i say i dont mean and do things i dont want to do,

to hurt myself so i wont get hurt by anyone else anymore.

and i stupidly, inevitably, end up hurting others around me instead.

but this hearts had enough wreckage for a lifetime.

no more risks for me.

for now, i'll just wait till someone's able to change my mind about that,

to fight through the bramble and thorns i've built around the word love,

build my shattered self esteem,

and find the little specks of heart i forgot to glue back together in my hurry to smile again.

i wish i could say that it really is, its all about you.

but following my heart got me into so deep before,

and you told me that going by feeling is bad. 

i remember.

i just hope this moment passes.

(secretly, i dont want it to end)

maybe i'll move on. with a little help here and there.

fingers crossed.

okay.

so thats it everyone.

my last post here.

time to close this chapter, for now.

and i'm leaving this.

the curtain closes here.

xoxoxo,

mel.

so yesterday i "sort of" got what i wanted :/

and today was a total bum-day and i'm tired although i've been practically sleeping the whole day.

it was filled with skype adium singing and piano/guitar-ing :D

mellow. marshmellow.

christmas is this  friday,

and i havent started christmas shopping.

so. dead.

btw, i might move to tumblr soon cause of the "fuckyeah" groups. 

tempting. very tempting.

:s

hmmmm.

so its a bath now and then more front of computer rotting for me. productive much? :)

oh and i miss you <3

xoxoxo,

mel.

dug my ass up at twelve,

after a pre-dawn conversation which ended with both parties dying of extreme fatigue.

meese is going on still in the background and i worry that my speakers might overwork and explode from the thousands of songs i'm subjecting them to blast.

the sky is grey and cloudy. and today feels like a rot-day.

spent the past two hours recording pointless songs no one will ever hear with my crackly morning voice and all like firecrackers in china or something. hur.

i'm REALLY craving a coconut now. mel-thing.

i want a coconut and chicken wings and carrot cake and other random nice beach-y food and bring the whole damn lot to chill somewhere and devour the damn mountain of food.

anyone?

just the sea breeze, good food, the sound of the waves crashing against the breakwater, trying to balance the plates and boxes, cups and cutlery, on the uneven ground.

i'm craving a dance on the sand, a shimmy of toes at the waters edge, letting it bury both feet.

i want to swim in the sea while watching the sun set. (ah fuck this  "want". singapore seas are gross)

planning to change my nail color and trim them hell short my guitar's beginning to sound real gay when i'm playing it with long nails and ditto for the annoying extra tap when i play the piano. arghey.

extremely mellow day today.

i feel like a fat potato :<

xoxoxo,

mel.

today i went out and had a sushi lunch and i rolled over like a temaki to meet jeff and then we took the wrong bus because of him and we had to go from city hall to bugis -_- and met amrita who wanted to but didnt get a tattoo then we went BACK to cityhall and we ROT then me and jeff went to eat at astons and he ate "ALOT" and i ate like a cow and then we poked some balls and then i went to eat again and i went home. HOW FUN.

hahaha.

xoxoxo,

mel.

i think time is the best/easiest blog title EVER.

saves me from thinking too much extra at such nocturnal hours.

:)

i am EXTREMELY stressed (not) debating with in my head whether i should go back to sleep or not considering my messed up body clock which i'm trying to reprogram to the land of the white fat things :/ hmmmm.

so i'm up discussing macbooks and art and music with other night crawlers/ early risers sitting on my over crowded bed and getting waaay fat from having a breakfast+lunch+dinner @ 2am.

the only exercise i've had was last nights dancing if you could count it but i was too tired to wiggle much -_-

anyway i'm missing someone now surprise surprise cough cough nudge and i cant sleep since my "mum" gave me a damn link.

cant wait to show it to "daddy" though. how epic.

i'm still shaking from the link and here is is curious souls.

http://tiresome.tumblr.com/post/287602567/santinaa-graveyard-girl-yrgod-there-is-a

NOT SCARED YET?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xf6Geh82vXg

and if your balls havent fallen off/ shrunk/ your eyes are still intact (HURHUR)

or if they already are in such a dire state,

here's a cure!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qvWOV9M6IxI

okay after watching it like 3 times i've got over it. 

BRAVO MEL :)

pauls party with aisha and bitchezx later and cg and all and idk what i'm hungraye :)

xoxoxo,

mel.

- i went to wave ytd to work from 4 to 12.

- aisha came over and we went to my place to change.

- ladies night @ supper was a blast with a mega group of girls.

- homed and didnt get drunk/ hungover.

- waiting for a text.

- going to crash due to immense lack of sleep.

- cute bartender.

- edrick quit-ted :O

- obtained zoukout landyard woohoo!

- head buzzing.

- phone not buzzing yet rah.

- dj was hairy.

- missing someone.

- banana pie.

- chocolate split.

-  no link blogpost.

- edward cullen.

- chuck bass.

- sheep.

- caos.

- farmers.

- ducks.

xoxoxo,

mel.

so today i went to town with my rents for a whole day and it was AWESOME.

;)

the end.

xoxoxo,

mel.

its late/early and i cant sleep cause i'm thinking of you you're so kewt i think i love you whats new right?

and today was wonderful.

the end.

:)

xoxoxo,

mel.